A Loner's Halloween Guide

By Nikita Sasi

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Halloween is just around the corner (yes, it’s today, but this just sounds better) and while I was illegally downloading my third horror movie, a thought struck me.

Halloween is on a goddamn Wednesday.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t gone trick or treating in over 3 years; but the thought of Halloween on a weekday just made me sad. How are you supposed to get your parent’s permission, or even worse, go to a party? Then, I had an even sadder thought; what about all the loners out there with no friends? How are they going to spend it?

Thus, I formulated a list, just for all of you out there who have no friends.

1. Watch a horror movie…then watch some more.

A fool proof way to ensure that you don’t sleep that night is to watch a horror movie all by yourself with only your secret plushie by your side. (You know, the one you hide when your friends come over? Yeah, that one.) It gets you into the spirit and allows you to gloat about how brave you are to your friends. A few recommendations are ‘The Boy’, ‘Goodnight Mommy’ and ‘A Quiet Place’.

2. Buy all the discount candy for yourself.

Treat yo’ self and splurge your money on all the discount candy you can find in stores! You probably need it anyway for the annoying kids who’ll inevitably ring your doorbell, but a great tip is giving them the cheap ones and saving all the good ones for yourself. (They might hate you, but who even cares about kids?)

3. Scare anyone and everyone!

Got a spare mask or dusty costume at the back of your closet? Don it and scare anyone you want; your parents, neighbors or even random strangers in the streets. (It’s even more fun with frien- oh wait.)

4. Sit on your bed and think about how old you’re getting.

One of my favorites! Get a drink and contemplate about how fast time is flying by, and how you’ll probably forget what Halloween is in a few years. (You’re already rolling your eyes at the pesky kids on your lawn or in your corridor, imagine yourself in five years.) This might end up getting you even sadder, but if you’re like me – just listen to a melancholic playlist and pretend you’re in a music video. Maybe even put on a spooky playlist and be a sad ghost!

(This article is purely meant for humor and the author will not judge anyone who reads this for actual help. Promise.)